School is in session and life has become a gigantic foreign object that has planted itself in the middle of my living room screaming "Deal with me- and make it good this time, Sarah."
I sit here and realize there are two possible outcomes to the insane changes taking place: total and complete success or disastrous failure. Dramatic, huh? I choose to look at it this way because I see no middle ground on this one. No, I'm not old and there are only a few grays that pop up here and there, but I have an idea of where I want to go and when exactly I want (/hope) it to happen. Marriage happened. Kids will happen. Once the latter is put into motion I go from "Sae" to "Mommy"... and god only knows I'm nowhere near ready for that.
So much needs to be accomplished and it feels overwhelming and exciting at the same time. There is a complete refusal on my part to blow this opportunity, because I know for certain that someday I would look back at this moment and totally regret not taking advantage.
So there it is. Wish me some luck.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Why marriage?
I remember getting more than a little frustrated when people would tell me that our relationship would change when we got married. They would smirk and say things like, "just you wait." We refused to believe that anything more than the dishes upon which we ate our food would change and vowed to each other in private that things would stay exactly the same.
But something has changed. I look at him differently. I see him in a different way. I catch a glimpse of the new piece of jewelry that he sports and it makes my stomach all fluttery. Somebody loved me enough to commit to me for life. It stops me dead in my footsteps to think about. My strongest desire right now is to be near him- not just beside him but with him. I want nothing but sheer bliss for him in life and I am stunned that I get to be the person to explore what makes us happy, together and as individuals. It feels like a new breath of life has been blown through me and I want nothing more than to grow and move and expand our lives together.
I realized that a wedding is such an incredible experience, because you are completely overcome not only with emotion for this person in front of you, but for everybody that has loved you in your lifetime--and you appreciate how much they have impacted the love you now share with your partner.
On our wedding day, I remember feeling completely calm. I look at the pictures and there is an undeniable smile planted on my face in every single photograph and I barely remember relaxing it for even a moment. I always knew he was my partner for this lifetime, but there was something about the event that made me feel so very pleased, for lack of better words. There we were, two people who loved each other more than we loved ourselves and we were taking a grand moment to say it outloud. I think people walked away from our ceremony feeling like it was legitimately special because it just felt like we were doing exactly what marriage should be: commiting to each other in a sincere, honest way.
I know there are people out there who choose not to marry and I respect any decision one makes for their own life. But I have to say, I'm so happy to be able to make this commitment to someone and I'm thrilled there is room in our society to recognize such a bond. I see even more now why so many people are fighting for that same right and as many who read this blog know, I'm a huge supporter of everybody's right to marry.
My husband stumbled upon this blog piece the other day and sent it to me, which is what inspired me to reminisce like this. It drew me in right away because of her similar team name to McRitchie. Enjoy!
http://meganmcardle.theatlantic.com/archives/2009/07/why_marriage.php
But something has changed. I look at him differently. I see him in a different way. I catch a glimpse of the new piece of jewelry that he sports and it makes my stomach all fluttery. Somebody loved me enough to commit to me for life. It stops me dead in my footsteps to think about. My strongest desire right now is to be near him- not just beside him but with him. I want nothing but sheer bliss for him in life and I am stunned that I get to be the person to explore what makes us happy, together and as individuals. It feels like a new breath of life has been blown through me and I want nothing more than to grow and move and expand our lives together.
I realized that a wedding is such an incredible experience, because you are completely overcome not only with emotion for this person in front of you, but for everybody that has loved you in your lifetime--and you appreciate how much they have impacted the love you now share with your partner.
On our wedding day, I remember feeling completely calm. I look at the pictures and there is an undeniable smile planted on my face in every single photograph and I barely remember relaxing it for even a moment. I always knew he was my partner for this lifetime, but there was something about the event that made me feel so very pleased, for lack of better words. There we were, two people who loved each other more than we loved ourselves and we were taking a grand moment to say it outloud. I think people walked away from our ceremony feeling like it was legitimately special because it just felt like we were doing exactly what marriage should be: commiting to each other in a sincere, honest way.
I know there are people out there who choose not to marry and I respect any decision one makes for their own life. But I have to say, I'm so happy to be able to make this commitment to someone and I'm thrilled there is room in our society to recognize such a bond. I see even more now why so many people are fighting for that same right and as many who read this blog know, I'm a huge supporter of everybody's right to marry.
My husband stumbled upon this blog piece the other day and sent it to me, which is what inspired me to reminisce like this. It drew me in right away because of her similar team name to McRitchie. Enjoy!
http://meganmcardle.theatlantic.com/archives/2009/07/why_marriage.php
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Becoming something...
So the other day...
I was standing in our newly-messy kitchen surrounded by a sea of dishes, mugs, and electrics. Some old, some new, some chipped, some dusty from their boxes. Two blenders, an old hand mixer, cookie sheets, bubble wrap, new flatware, old flatware, cats crawling around with curiosity... I was sifting through the old and new of my life and his, trying to find a place for the stuff we had aquired in our most recent merger.
When the mister and I moved in together a few years ago, we took the easy route by just combining everything. You see, we didn't have enough forks as individuals to actually survive a dinner party, so we threw both sets in a drawer and called it a day. Easy.
Several months back when we bleeped around William Sonoma with our special electric gun, we decided we would have to do a gigantic purge after the wedding. It would be like a therapeutic sigh. Repeat this mantra: "out with the old, in with the new," but it seemed like a lifetime away and we ignored the notion and replaced it with other plans and ideas.
But now the time is here. My orange kitty sat on a box filled with my college dishes while I packed up the simple white plates that he once called his. We now have double of almost everything, so boxes have been made for the inevitable stoop sale and they're filling up more each day. There are things we couldn't let go of like the Highland Diner mugs from upstate and the He-Man beach towel (awesome.) It's funny, though, how something you drink your morning coffee out of can be impossible to throw away. It's just glass with words, right?
It felt strange to part with so many things that hold so many silly memories. I realize these memories aren't actually being thrown away with the stuff, but it feels odd to hold a plate and reminisce our first Thanksgiving together of tofurky and mashed potatoes. New memories will inevitably surround the new stuff and follow us for a lifetime, but I couldn't help but feel, I dunno, grown-up while creating our new kitchen. These moments of adult flashes have been occuring far more frequently as of late. They come on strong as new commitments, decisions, and changes grow out of time.
The old dishes are gone. The new ones are beautiful, they will actually match each other and be an ever-present guest at future tofurkey Thanksgivings and holiday dinners.
My babies will use these dishes.
... several years from now, of course. There's that grown-up feeling again.
I was standing in our newly-messy kitchen surrounded by a sea of dishes, mugs, and electrics. Some old, some new, some chipped, some dusty from their boxes. Two blenders, an old hand mixer, cookie sheets, bubble wrap, new flatware, old flatware, cats crawling around with curiosity... I was sifting through the old and new of my life and his, trying to find a place for the stuff we had aquired in our most recent merger.
When the mister and I moved in together a few years ago, we took the easy route by just combining everything. You see, we didn't have enough forks as individuals to actually survive a dinner party, so we threw both sets in a drawer and called it a day. Easy.
Several months back when we bleeped around William Sonoma with our special electric gun, we decided we would have to do a gigantic purge after the wedding. It would be like a therapeutic sigh. Repeat this mantra: "out with the old, in with the new," but it seemed like a lifetime away and we ignored the notion and replaced it with other plans and ideas.
But now the time is here. My orange kitty sat on a box filled with my college dishes while I packed up the simple white plates that he once called his. We now have double of almost everything, so boxes have been made for the inevitable stoop sale and they're filling up more each day. There are things we couldn't let go of like the Highland Diner mugs from upstate and the He-Man beach towel (awesome.) It's funny, though, how something you drink your morning coffee out of can be impossible to throw away. It's just glass with words, right?
It felt strange to part with so many things that hold so many silly memories. I realize these memories aren't actually being thrown away with the stuff, but it feels odd to hold a plate and reminisce our first Thanksgiving together of tofurky and mashed potatoes. New memories will inevitably surround the new stuff and follow us for a lifetime, but I couldn't help but feel, I dunno, grown-up while creating our new kitchen. These moments of adult flashes have been occuring far more frequently as of late. They come on strong as new commitments, decisions, and changes grow out of time.
The old dishes are gone. The new ones are beautiful, they will actually match each other and be an ever-present guest at future tofurkey Thanksgivings and holiday dinners.
My babies will use these dishes.
... several years from now, of course. There's that grown-up feeling again.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Oh yeah, I have a blog. That I'm supposed to write things in.
Here's an interesting thought:
In 17 days I will be flying to Minnesota with two of my best friends for a week of sun, lake, turtle races, laughter, projects and duh, wine.
In 24 days I will no longer be able to check the single box when applying for pretty much anything.
In 25 days I'll be sipping vino in a house overlooking the Pacific with somebody who seems to love me enough to commit to lifelongevity.
In 32 days I'll be back in NY and more exciting things will be just around the corner, just you wait and see.
So much happening in one month. Broken foots and swine flu are forgotten. This is the part of my life I have most been looking forward to. Can't wait.
In 17 days I will be flying to Minnesota with two of my best friends for a week of sun, lake, turtle races, laughter, projects and duh, wine.
In 24 days I will no longer be able to check the single box when applying for pretty much anything.
In 25 days I'll be sipping vino in a house overlooking the Pacific with somebody who seems to love me enough to commit to lifelongevity.
In 32 days I'll be back in NY and more exciting things will be just around the corner, just you wait and see.
So much happening in one month. Broken foots and swine flu are forgotten. This is the part of my life I have most been looking forward to. Can't wait.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The value of your life is much less than mine....deal with it!
So, this dude was intereviewed on the morning news the other day.
He was asked what he thought of gay marriage and this idiot kid says "I'm completely against it and I think it devalues the marriage between a man and a woman."
Devalues?...come again? If my two pals, who happen to be of the same sex, want to say "I do" how on earth does that affect my marriage in any way, shape, or form. What a completely idiotic thing to say. I hope he gets ridiculed and shamed all damn day for that.
And if that's really what he believes, he's saying that it's okay for our society to completley devalue people who are gay-- and do it in a much more obvious way than they would be "devaluing" him if they got married.
What would Jesus do? Jesus wouldn't be such a wanker.
Hey, if you're gay, you have to suffer and feel no value whatsoever, so that I don't feel in anway way less valued, because I'm such a spoiled homophobic baby prick face.
He was asked what he thought of gay marriage and this idiot kid says "I'm completely against it and I think it devalues the marriage between a man and a woman."
Devalues?...come again? If my two pals, who happen to be of the same sex, want to say "I do" how on earth does that affect my marriage in any way, shape, or form. What a completely idiotic thing to say. I hope he gets ridiculed and shamed all damn day for that.
And if that's really what he believes, he's saying that it's okay for our society to completley devalue people who are gay-- and do it in a much more obvious way than they would be "devaluing" him if they got married.
What would Jesus do? Jesus wouldn't be such a wanker.
Hey, if you're gay, you have to suffer and feel no value whatsoever, so that I don't feel in anway way less valued, because I'm such a spoiled homophobic baby prick face.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Woops!
I have been such a bad little blogger! I don't have time to write much so I will give you a reader's digest on my life/feelings/interests in the last month:
- two months to go 'til the nuptials
- new baby nephew: oliver!
- instruments collecting dust...
- excellent bachelorette party, if i may say so...
- miss california is an idiot face with idiot fake boobs
- heard back from schools-- making decisions--big stuff?
- invitations out, reply cards back, no names. awesome.
- torture is what voldemort did to harry potter.
- cheney=voldemort.
- harry potter keeps getting hotter, right? harry hotter? anyone?
- high five!
- flowers, coordinators, broken feets, shoes, dress, hair, toes, Lagina, vagina
- moms, mother in laws, and secrets from sarah does NOT a happy sae sae make!
- projects, pictures, programs, cards, ribbons, bows, scissors, pinwheels, iron-ons, etc
- minnesota in two days
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Homophobia at its best
This week was big for the gays! Hooray, I say. But let's see how some others are feeling:
"... I believe that marriage is (a) Biblical term to refer to a vow before God to join one man and one woman for the purpose of raising a family."
This was written to my friend who plans to marry his partner of 17 years this summer... from his aunt. There's much to say, like for example apparently she feels I can't get married either...or my aunt and uncle who decided to never have children... but it's all been said before and I won't waste your time with a rant. To me, the worst part about these words being uttered is not that they are completely full of hate and bigotry, but that she said it to her nephew. I mean Jesus-fuckin-Christ, if your own family can't be supportive how the hell can you expect a room full of strangers in Congress to do so?
Yes, I could write a lot of my own words down here, but I feel you will be more interested by this:
"There is a rising tide of pink fascism in this country, and it comes as a result of the election of Barack Hussein Obama. Obama has signaled that during his reign it will be acceptable to impose gay marriage on the people of the United States. He's being very cleverly used as a tool of the gay puppet masters. He is personally masculine, has a beautiful family and was used by the gay mafia to convince real American families that they should support him.
I'm sad to see that my home state is projected to be so far behind some of the other baby blues. Apparently this Coleman-Franken debaucle is turning us purple. Me no likey. I say we all move there and paint the town blue-- who's with me?
So, here are my words: It totally rocks that states are wising up to equality, but I don't feel in any way relieved. This could last four years, somebody new could be elected and then it's all over. Opposing parties will rally voters until the end of time until they win the moral showdown. Look at California. Of all the states in this country, that one folded under the pressure and people lost the hard fought race. I feel like this might be a neverending battle of rights being rewarded and then taken away years later. It's scary shit, people. Progress indeed, but the race has not been won.
On a happier note, perhaps what many Consertavies find questionable and immoral could actually be a solution to a bigger issue in our country:
From the Economist:
Perhaps the most unexpected beneficiaries of same-sex marriage will be state economies. The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) reports that extending marriage to gay couples brings tourism, spending on weddings and licensing fees. Same-sex marriage in Iowa, UCLA predicted last year, would bring $5.3m to state coffers and $53m to state businesses. These hard times could use a bit more cash and celebration.
"... I believe that marriage is (a) Biblical term to refer to a vow before God to join one man and one woman for the purpose of raising a family."
This was written to my friend who plans to marry his partner of 17 years this summer... from his aunt. There's much to say, like for example apparently she feels I can't get married either...or my aunt and uncle who decided to never have children... but it's all been said before and I won't waste your time with a rant. To me, the worst part about these words being uttered is not that they are completely full of hate and bigotry, but that she said it to her nephew. I mean Jesus-fuckin-Christ, if your own family can't be supportive how the hell can you expect a room full of strangers in Congress to do so?
Yes, I could write a lot of my own words down here, but I feel you will be more interested by this:
"There is a rising tide of pink fascism in this country, and it comes as a result of the election of Barack Hussein Obama. Obama has signaled that during his reign it will be acceptable to impose gay marriage on the people of the United States. He's being very cleverly used as a tool of the gay puppet masters. He is personally masculine, has a beautiful family and was used by the gay mafia to convince real American families that they should support him.
And now that Obama the Trojan horse has been taken inside the gates, so to speak, the contagion from within his administration is spreading throughout the country. One state at a time seems to be falling. Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, California is teetering on the brink. Will Texas be next? Will Obama say that in order to make up for the oppression caused by slavery that the Deep South will now have to accept gay marriage under duress? Is this a sexual reconstruction of the entire country? Don't ask, because Obama won't tell," - Michael Savage, WorldNet Daily.
Yes! He delivered and it makes absolutely no sense, it's harsh, and it's completely untrue! Yesiree, those Conservatives nut jobs still got it!
I'm sad to see that my home state is projected to be so far behind some of the other baby blues. Apparently this Coleman-Franken debaucle is turning us purple. Me no likey. I say we all move there and paint the town blue-- who's with me?
So, here are my words: It totally rocks that states are wising up to equality, but I don't feel in any way relieved. This could last four years, somebody new could be elected and then it's all over. Opposing parties will rally voters until the end of time until they win the moral showdown. Look at California. Of all the states in this country, that one folded under the pressure and people lost the hard fought race. I feel like this might be a neverending battle of rights being rewarded and then taken away years later. It's scary shit, people. Progress indeed, but the race has not been won.
On a happier note, perhaps what many Consertavies find questionable and immoral could actually be a solution to a bigger issue in our country:
From the Economist:
Perhaps the most unexpected beneficiaries of same-sex marriage will be state economies. The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) reports that extending marriage to gay couples brings tourism, spending on weddings and licensing fees. Same-sex marriage in Iowa, UCLA predicted last year, would bring $5.3m to state coffers and $53m to state businesses. These hard times could use a bit more cash and celebration.
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