Lord, help us all!

This is being passed around my office today:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html?pagewanted=1&_r=4

They even have a blog:

Dating a Banker Anonymous

Can you believe this shit? These crazy b's have actually formed a support group for each other in their time of relationship woes. By woes, they simply mean that papa bear ain't bringing home the same bacon. Here is an excerpt from the blog:

"This whole messy ordeal has advanced my Botox start date by at least two years....since my BF lost his job, he wants to have dinner every night. By dinner I mean staying in and cooking... AND, FYI – chopping vegetables along side your man in a hot New York sized kitchen is NOTHING like the sexy kitchen scene between Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks. Seriously. It sucks. "

and this one from some hot mistress:

"My married man treats me just as well as, if not better than, many of the unmarried bankers I’ve dated in the past. I would call myself his “girlfriend” in the sense that I receive constant attention via text messages, emails and phone calls, fabulous vacations while he is on “business trips” and a never ending supply of gifts, gourmet meals and affection. I get all this AND I get to leisurely continue to date in search of my own Mr. Right. Win-win, don’t you think? I certainly did… until the mortgage meltdown....."

The worst part about creating a "support group" like this is that there is no indication that these ladies are even trying to help or support each other. It seems more like another way for them to bitch and moan about how sad their lives have become. In reality, this recession is very real and people are losing their jobs daily. Financial issues can heavily burden any relationship, but the most important way to be supportive is to shut up and do just that: hold your partners hand and love them through the tough shit. Don't just bitch about it- do something to help.

Welcome to being poor in the city, ladies, even though it's not even close to being as bad as some people have to experience. I bet now you wish you would have followed your heart and dated a man who can make you happy, without the money.

Again? Really?

I am a huge ditz.

I have tried with all my might to keep this blog public, but private from a few watchful eyes... specifically those eyes that used to watch me grow and teach me how to live. My sister-in-law has an adorable blog (Mccaffrey365.blogspot.com) and I, like an IDIOT, commented on a picture, thus putting "Tiny Tales" right there for my entire family to see. I would love to just say "oh well" and let them read this at their own will, but truth be told, a lot of my venting comes from things that occurred in my past and I'm not ready to clean that up--- nor am I ready to possibly hurt any feelings.

I love my family more than anything-- I would be the happiest girl in the world if I could just have them near, but when it comes to political and spiritual beliefs, I still want to guard myself. I'm a young woman who is about to step into the ultimate independence when I take on a new title, husband, and start my own family. However, it doesn't change the insecurities I still feel when it comes to how much I've changed from how I once was. I still shield my family from that side of me, but it is slowly but surely coming out. The intent of this journal is to serve as a way for me to be more blunt and in-your-face than I care to be with my family right now. Call me a coward, but this is how it is. There are few who read this and few who care enough to check, but those few are who I'm writing to- and thank god they do not include my mother.

I have a feeling I will someday blog more about my relationship with them and what it is today versus what it once was. What a rocky road it has been-- but for the first time in my life, I feel like they are starting to get to know me and loving me for who I am becoming. I don't want that to change.

In the meantime... tits, cock, cunt, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck.

Ahhhhhh.

Transitional Phase

I feel so removed from reality these days. As if I'm just moving from one place to the next without any recollection of how I got there. The streets are constantly filled with faces, but there is never a feeling of recognition as I pass them. I often look back over the day that just passed and honestly cannot remember what I did or what purpose it served.

It's not a feeling of depression so much as an overwhelming urge for change. Not the kind of metamorphosis that turns the world upside down, but perhaps just something to move things along. Only twenty six years have gone by since I existed and it is far too early in life to feel stuck. No, this is not a stagnant feeling- my walls are far from closing in on me and my world is everything but tedious. This feeling is the result of finally taking action, with nothing to show for it.... nothing yet.

The desire to create something more than the tiny rut I'm carving with my daily path has grown over the years, so much in fact that my rut is slowly leveling itself. The problem with digging your way out is the disappearance of time you once had. Time to do nothing. Nothingness takes up a lot of time. The move for change in my life has hit that inevitable point where everything just becomes noise around you. Blurry. Static.

Productivity in life is far more time consuming that one ever expects. My life is not unlike many New Yorkers, since my job is not my career. Any productivity that stems from a day's work means nothing to me. It has nothing to do with what I need in life. Everything else comes before and after the nine hours carved out of each weekday. Everything else takes up more of my time.

I feel completely overwhelmed and overworked, but the feeling will pass. Breaking old habits hurts. Creating new ones could make all the difference.

Welcome to my transitional phase.

Resolve Spot Magic Stain Remover: Magically Removes Spots

Self improvement should be a constant goal for all human beings. Yet there is something about this time of year that makes people want to start over new.

...I resolve to constantly reflect and improve.

2008 was a crazy good year. Better than I could have ever expected: engagement, new house, new position, new music goals, new president elected, and new friendships. Sure, there were bumps along the road, but nothing too intense. Nothing we couldn't handle.

...I resolve to remember the good when the bad sneaks up on me.

2009 is here and looms over my head as I anxiously await it. The next few months are already spattered with shows, recitals, auditions, family visits, wedding planning, showers, and parties. July will be the final sprint to the altar along with a much needed week of relaxation to recover from the last year and a half of planning. Thoughts of going back to school in the fall swim around my head and tug at my heart strings. Exciting things are happening once again. I could be the luckiest girl in the world.

...I resolve to stay this positive.

The bumps in the road will most likely stay the same as they were in 2008. They hadn't really changed from the year before. We put off our wedding until this summer with hopes of a few family relationships mending in that time. Nothing changed in that department, which leads me to believe that nothing will change in 2009.

...I resolve to accept the shitty situations in life.

Aside from the normal wear and tear of life, my body feels good, my heart feels full, and my head craves to learn more. I did sit down and come up with a list of things I want to change in the new year and while some of it is personal, I'll share some not-so-secret ones below.

Happy New Year, everyone:

I resolve to... be a better listener.
I resolve to... stay in contact with people.
I resolve to... play with my kits more.
I resolve to... spend more time out of the house with my man.
I resolve to... spend more time reading.
I resolve to... keep learning.
I resolve to... keep exploring.
I resolve to... meet new people.
I resolve to... stay responsible.
I resolve to... be irresponsible every once in awhile. ; )
I resolve to... sleep more.
I resolve to... eat more fancy chocolate.
I resolve to... continue to stay healthy.
I resolve to... make a difference, big or small.

French Fry Quest Part 2

Oh my how time flies when you're not eating fries....Can you believe it's been almost three months since I started my search for the finest fry in the city? I completely let this fall through the cracks! I bring shame to every salty potato lover out there!

I took a few days off after getting back from the future in-laws house, which was much needed after 4 days straight of family and feasting. You would think that my stomach was done with the consumption of grease, but alas, it was ready for one last dance. I was walking by "Five Guys" while out and about one day, which happens to be on my french fry list as one of two chain restaurants that I had intended to visit. I couldn't resist and had to pop in.

Five Guys is certainly not friendly to the vegetarians, so I was forced to order only fries for my lunch, which was perfectly fine with me, since the last week of my life had been even more gluttonous. The line was long, which gave me encouragement that something must be wonderful about this place to be bustling at 2pm on a Tuesday.

Had I not known that Give Guys was famous for their fries, I would have been pleasantly surprised by the awesomeness of these fries. However, because I was prepared for gloriousness, I was somewhat "meh" about the whole thing. For one thing, my fries were not salty enough and (gasp) there was no salt to put on them, which is completely unacceptable, folks. Despite the not-salty-enough factor, they were piping hot and crispy, which almost made up for it. Compared to other fast food chains, FG wipes the floor with Burger King and McDonalds. I still ended up eating the entire order and enjoying pretty much every bite.

All in all, really great fries. But nothing like the spectacular goodness of Pommes Frittes. *drooling on desk wishing I had some right now*.

So as a reminder:

Here is how each place is being judged, each on a scale of 1-5

1. Saltiness, greasiness, goodness
2. Crispiness, crunchiness, and soft in the middle
   
3. HOT (so important!)

Bonus points go to dipping sauces of any kind that are not ketchup.

Pommes Frites got a PERFECT score (15), so here's what I'm doing with Five Guys:

1. Saltiness, greasiness, goodness---- 2 (wah wah)
   
2. Crispiness, crunchiness, and soft in the middle----4
   
3. HOT (so important!)----4

Five Guys takes away 10 points. Better luck next time, chain!

Can't wait to try the next one!

2008: Reflectiing on where I've been....

My fiance saw this on a blog. It’s a way to reflect on your year by listing all the cities you’ve visited. It’s fun! The asterisks are next to places I had never been before.

New York, NY

Mattituck, NY (North Fork)

Walker, MN

Longville, MN

Brainerd, MN

Brooklyn Park, MN

Minneapolis, MN

St. Cloud, MN

Hayward, CA

Half Moon Bay, CA*

San Francisco, CA

Lenox, MA*

Pittsfield, MA*

Hartford, CT*

Granby, CT*

Santa Monica, CA

Huntington Beach, CA*

Los Angeles, CA

Newport Beach, CA*

Key Biscayne, FL*