I am a huge ditz.
I have tried with all my might to keep this blog public, but private from a few watchful eyes... specifically those eyes that used to watch me grow and teach me how to live. My sister-in-law has an adorable blog (Mccaffrey365.blogspot.com) and I, like an IDIOT, commented on a picture, thus putting "Tiny Tales" right there for my entire family to see. I would love to just say "oh well" and let them read this at their own will, but truth be told, a lot of my venting comes from things that occurred in my past and I'm not ready to clean that up--- nor am I ready to possibly hurt any feelings.
I love my family more than anything-- I would be the happiest girl in the world if I could just have them near, but when it comes to political and spiritual beliefs, I still want to guard myself. I'm a young woman who is about to step into the ultimate independence when I take on a new title, husband, and start my own family. However, it doesn't change the insecurities I still feel when it comes to how much I've changed from how I once was. I still shield my family from that side of me, but it is slowly but surely coming out. The intent of this journal is to serve as a way for me to be more blunt and in-your-face than I care to be with my family right now. Call me a coward, but this is how it is. There are few who read this and few who care enough to check, but those few are who I'm writing to- and thank god they do not include my mother.
I have a feeling I will someday blog more about my relationship with them and what it is today versus what it once was. What a rocky road it has been-- but for the first time in my life, I feel like they are starting to get to know me and loving me for who I am becoming. I don't want that to change.
In the meantime... tits, cock, cunt, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck.
Ahhhhhh.
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3 comments:
your potty mouth at the end made me smile. may you keep feeling the freedom to be who you are and may your family learn to fall in love in you as you are. i do not know your future-husband, nor any any of your NYC friends, but I can speak for myself and say that this version of you (the one with the sassy mouth and angry edge) is very cool and, more importantly, very real.
I have really tried to keep my blogs away from my parents and in-laws without making it "private" and hopefully its worked so far. but you never know who is out there, so if you really want to let it all out there (cock tit sucker), make sure you have it require an invitation.
My blog now requires a password.... you're on the list, babe
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