Transitional Phase

I feel so removed from reality these days. As if I'm just moving from one place to the next without any recollection of how I got there. The streets are constantly filled with faces, but there is never a feeling of recognition as I pass them. I often look back over the day that just passed and honestly cannot remember what I did or what purpose it served.

It's not a feeling of depression so much as an overwhelming urge for change. Not the kind of metamorphosis that turns the world upside down, but perhaps just something to move things along. Only twenty six years have gone by since I existed and it is far too early in life to feel stuck. No, this is not a stagnant feeling- my walls are far from closing in on me and my world is everything but tedious. This feeling is the result of finally taking action, with nothing to show for it.... nothing yet.

The desire to create something more than the tiny rut I'm carving with my daily path has grown over the years, so much in fact that my rut is slowly leveling itself. The problem with digging your way out is the disappearance of time you once had. Time to do nothing. Nothingness takes up a lot of time. The move for change in my life has hit that inevitable point where everything just becomes noise around you. Blurry. Static.

Productivity in life is far more time consuming that one ever expects. My life is not unlike many New Yorkers, since my job is not my career. Any productivity that stems from a day's work means nothing to me. It has nothing to do with what I need in life. Everything else comes before and after the nine hours carved out of each weekday. Everything else takes up more of my time.

I feel completely overwhelmed and overworked, but the feeling will pass. Breaking old habits hurts. Creating new ones could make all the difference.

Welcome to my transitional phase.